i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize