So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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