you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
