Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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