She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
