When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
