No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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