yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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