just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
