we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
