my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
