Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
