Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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