I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
