He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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