He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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