i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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