I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
