I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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