My room smells like vodka and shame
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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