At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
