That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
