"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I see more hoeing in ur future
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