Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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