I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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