how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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