I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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