i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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