K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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