he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
