You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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