Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
