im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
