Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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