How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
