maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
