Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
