i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
