Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize