dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
