Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
