I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
