hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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