Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
