were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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