Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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