girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
