dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
