If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
