You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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