Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
