Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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