I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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