toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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