when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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