I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize