Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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