i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
