Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
