I wannas sexs uuuuu
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
