Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
