My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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