I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
